A Perfect Father

A Perfect Father

It’s our first official day of fall break! Whoever planned this planned it perfectly because the colors are absolutely stunning right now. We aren’t going anywhere this fall break. We’re going to stay home and enjoy our farm. We kicked things off on Saturday with a British tea party for the girls and a movie for the boys. Yesterday we had church and lunch out with friends, followed by a birthday party for our little friend who lives next door. We ended the day with a fire in the fireplace. This morning my husband is out bright and early turkey hunting. I am thankful that he took the week off of work. He has some fun plans. Along with turkey hunting, he’ll also be buying a tractor this week. We’re real farmers now!

My plans for the week involve cleaning and cooking good food for my family. I bought Pioneer Woman’s newest cookbook and I’m excited about it. I’m going to cook something new out of it every night this week. That’s about as exciting as our plans get, and that’s OK with me. I’m tired. I feel like I’ve been playing catch-up all quarter long.
Usually I like to have one big cleaning fest right before school starts and it takes us into the school year and carries us through Christmas break. Somehow that just didn’t happen this year. I don’t mind spending the week cleaning. It’s going to feel good to get it done.

I am going to take some time out for fun too. On Wednesday, while the boys are out tractor shopping, I’m going to have some friends over and we’re going to eat girl food and have a girl movie marathon. I am also hoping to do some reading and writing, as well as have some family photos taken this weekend. Oh, and shoe shopping. I desperately need to take my kids shoe shopping. How does that sound for an exciting fall break? It sounds amazing to me!

One thing that is not on the agenda this week is over thinking. Y’all, I have worn myself out these past months with my over thinking. I made several friends laugh recently when I told them that I feel like I’m the loudest person in the room. I’m not loud. I might be the quietest person in the room. Usually. Unless you are my kid. Then I’m loud. Anyway, my thoughts are blaring loud these days.

There are days when I cannot figure out what is truth, what is honest conviction, and what is total condemnation. I talked to one of my friends about that the other day and she encouraged me to call her in those moments. I need help sorting through those thoughts. It’s strange that in those moments when I need people the most, my tendency is to turn completely inwards. I’m not going to sugarcoat this. I believe that I, as a Christian, have an enemy who seeks to destroy me. He’s no dummy. He knows if he can get me alone and isolated, he has the upper hand. I am thankful that I have friends who are willing to walk with me and to listen to the inner workings of my sometimes complicated brain. They help pull me out of “the pits”. As much as I’d like to think I’m tough, I cannot fight this battle on my own. I need friends. We were not meant to fight these things on her own.

The majority of the thoughts that go through my mind are thoughts of not being truly loved by God the father. It’s not that I don’t think he’s good enough to love me. It’s that I think I’m not good enough for him. I hold myself to ridiculously high standards, and when I fail to meet them, I kind of spiral down. The truth is though, I am making a judgment on the love of God in those times. I am saying that he cannot love me, and that is a judgment against him. Who am I to say that I am too much of a mess for him to love me? According to Romans 8, nothing can separate me from his love.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39

Let me clarify that I’m not talking about sin here. We separate ourselves from God in those instances when we willfully choose to disobey him. But, praise God, he will forgive our sins if we repent.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9.

I heard a song on the radio yesterday, and I think it’s going to be my theme song for this season of my life. It’s called “Good Good Father“. When my mind starts to wander and my thoughts get too loud, I’m going to sing this song. I think (There’s that word again!) that I have been too focused on me and not focused enough on who God is. If my goal is perfection, than I simply need to look to him. He is perfect in all of his ways! He is calling me deeper into love, because that’s who he is. He is a good father and I am loved by him. My heart rejoices in that truth!

And now, it’s time to leave blog land and get to work! I go with joy. I pray right now for you, whoever you are, that you will also come into deeper knowledge of our good, good father. You are loved by him.

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