I’m going to be very honest here. I have trust issues. I watch and examine people for quite a while before I decide if I trust them or not. The truth is, there is only a handful of people that I truly trust, and sometimes I struggle to trust them.
For example, my husband is very trustworthy. Since the day I met him, twenty-five years ago, he has been one of the most faithful people that I have ever known. He loves me, his heart is for me, and I still struggle. Sometimes he may be leading our family in a certain direction and I want to ask a million questions about where we are going, how we will get there, what it’s going to be like, etc. At some point I have to just stop and remind myself that it’s going to be okay.
About a year ago, we had to make a decision about something that was extremely difficult for me. He kept asking me, “Will you trust me?” I could not answer that question without putting in clauses and asking a few other questions. It was a long, tear-inducing discussion, but finally I was able to say, “I’m afraid. But I choose to trust you on this.” It ended up being a good decision and I am glad that I chose to trust instead of struggle against him. Sometimes I just have to shut down my fearful thoughts and dive in.
There are several situations that I have been overly concerned about. The other day as I was praying about these different things, the Lord spoke to my heart and said, basically, “I got this!” I’ve still struggled though. Again and again as I come to the Lord in prayer, I hear him whispering in my ear, “Will you trust me?”
In the midst of my struggling, I have been very struck by the kindness and patience of my Lord. I love this Bible verse found in Isaiah.
“He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young.”
The truth is, there are moments when I wonder how he could love me. I wonder how it is that he continues to show me his ways and deal so patiently and gently with my fears and insecurities. This scripture fills my mind with a beautiful picture of being lifted and carried close to my Savior’s heart. I often start to wander and he is always faithful to call to me back to himself. And, in those moments when I am utterly lost or in despair, I cry out to him. He lifts me up and carries me close to his heart. I just need to keep my eyes set on him and he will lead me. On the mountain tops, in the valleys, in the dry and rocky places and in the lush, green pastures, he will be there, watching over me. Why should I fear anything?
And so, to his question, I say, “Lord, I don’t know what’s going to happen. There are unknowns and they frighten me, but in the midst of it all, I will trust in you.”