I spent the weekend away at a women’s retreat with my church. It was a great time and I came home with some good, wholesome, meaty food for thought. I made a point of spending some time with older ladies, because I need some wisdom in my life. I had way too much fun and stayed up way too late with some of my friends. Blackmail videos were made by me, and I just remembered that one was made of me. (What can I say? Girls just wanna have fun!)
Anyway, it’s always difficult to get away, but I appreciate that time very much. And, when I ask my little boy what his favorite part of the weekend was, he smiled adoringly at my husband and said, “Daddy.” Some serious fun with daddy was had here at home. When I came home, the kids were happy and my husband seemed relaxed. Those are very good combinations.
I always like to summarize a weekend like this with a take home message. One of our pastors gave the perfect one. “Don’t freak out!” Maybe you read my post a couple of weeks ago about my near panic attack. Yeah. The truth is, I freak out sometimes. Sometimes, in the midst of freaking out, my mind often goes back to when I was being prepped to deliver my son via c-section. I was hyperventilating and the anesthesiologist started stroking my face and with her thick foreign accent said, “It’s okay, sweetie. You are just a little highly strung.” It’s funny to me that of all the things that happened that day, that moment stands out. Anyway, I’ve been in a bit of a freak out state for a while. By a while, I mean that it’s been going on for about forty-four years. (By the way, I turned forty-four last week!)
I have great news though! This weekend, I actually figured out why I freak out! I am never going to freak out again! (I hope.) I freak out when…wait for it…. I don’t trust God.
Well, there it is. I said it. I feel no need to elaborate, but maybe I will. Sometimes I freak out when I think about my kids and their futures. In those moments, I have a friend who says, “God loves them more than you do.” It’s true! His love is perfect. He knew them before I did. He knit them together, and he has a plan for their lives. It’s my job to love them, nurture them, pray for them, provide for them, meet their daily needs, teach them and shape them into godly men and women. But God alone knows what the future holds. No matter how hard this mama bear tries to figure it all out, there are some things that I can’t predict or know. I can freak out about those things, or I can be faithful now to do what I know I am called to do as their mom, and trust The Lord to direct their paths. If I choose the be faithful option, there will be no need for freaking out.
I could give more examples, but, to be honest, I need to spend some time working through this example. Even as I think about these things, my heart is turned to Psalm 139. How good it is to be known by The Lord! He knows my fears and is still faithful, and is daily leading me in his everlasting ways.