I have been trying to figure out the purpose of this blog. In the very beginning it was a response to those who were upset that I stopped writing my weekly column for the Jessamine Journal. People wanted to to keep reading about my life, and so I did it for them. Then, it sort of became more like a journal. I process my thoughts as I write. Recently it has been more about just doing it because my husband was strongly encouraging me to do it. The truth is, my heart hasn’t really been in it. Mostly, it’s because I have been focused on so many different things and taking an hour to sit and write requires a lot of internal quieting. That’s been difficult recently.
A couple of weeks ago I was out walking our fields. I do a whole lot of that these days! I walk, I think and mostly I pray. Anyway, I found myself in a patch of woods and I looked up and I was surrounded by overhanging branches. It was beautiful and a soft breeze was blowing through the trees. I stood there and I remembered a story that I had started a while back that had a lot to do with trees. (I love trees, even though I don’t know a Maple from an Oak.) Something inside of me said, “Tell the story!”
My instant response was sadness. I thought about how I would never be able to tell it in an eloquent way. I thought about the time required and I thought about the over processing, loudness of my mind these days. I first thought to myself, “I can’t.” Then, I sat down and prayed. I told my Heavenly Father that I was willing, but that I needed help.
I went home and my family was gathered at the table. We have been reading “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis together. After we read, my husband expressed that we need people to keep writing great literature. He looked at me and said, “You need to get writing!” I sighed internally.
Later that day my daughter went for a walk and prayed. (She’s taken to field walking as well.) She came home with some great revelation for herself, about what God was calling her to give herself to at this time in her life. Then she looked at me and said, “And, I think you need to be writing!” I inwardly rolled my eyes.
And then I wrestled internally for about two weeks. I asked friends to pray for me. I have written a deleted a couple of posts. I have struggled. I don’t know why. Well, maybe I do and I just don’t want to say, or know how to say…or something like that. Maybe it’s because I think I have to be Katherine Paterson or C.S. Lewis. A lot of it has to do with fear. Fear of putting myself out there and having everyone read my deep inner thoughts. Fear of people hating what I write! Fear of offending people. And, fear of being perceived as ‘quirky’. (Which I sort of am.)
This all brings me to today. Today I decided that I am going to just write stories about my life. I have so many stories! God has been an incredible father to me. I am blessed beyond measure! I have been deeply loved, comforted. I have been provided for and I have seen God move in both mysterious and simple ways. I want to write stories about all of those things. If you look back, you will see that I have already done that. I am always telling stories. Some might call it “testifying”. I am always testifying about what God has done in my life and in the lives of others.
I have a lot of stories to tell, and there are more in the works. There ought to be plenty of tidbits to keep this blog hopping for a while. So, there ya have it. I can’t wait to get started.