Currently I am sitting in bed, coffee to my right and eight-year-old to my left. She wanted to write also, so she is copying Bible verses out of her children’s Bible. My husband is on his way home from work. The other four children are sleeping soundly. The house is rarely this quiet and I enjoy these rare moments. Soon I will have to wake everyone up to get ready for church. After church I am taking this girl beside me to a mother/daughter Valentines lunch. After that I will race home to make a salad and get ready for our home-fellowship. (Our church breaks down into small groups that meet in homes.) Somewhere, in the span of this day, I need to correct some Language Arts with my 7th grader. That’s about as current as it gets!
Update: My four-year-old just woke up and greeted me with a kiss. Life is sweet!
How about the current events of my heart? That’s a deep well! For now, I will just say that I have been through the wilderness. I have struggled with God, my husband and myself. A couple of months ago I came to a place where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was exhausted. I didn’t have any fight left in me. It took me a long time to get to that place, but thank God, I finally did!
I finally got on my face and begged God to show me myself and change me. I wanted to be like Jacob, who wrestled all night with God and was changed forever. Like Jacob, I wrestled with God and said, “I am not letting go until you bless me!” God’s blessing came in the form of letting me see my sin. I saw clearly that I was lazy and selfish. It was a painful revelation, but I am so thankful that I finally saw it. I truly repented and God is changing me.
It has been painful and extremely hard. But it is also beautiful and sweet. My whole outlook on life is different. I will share more about it in the coming days. For now, it’s time to wake the kids up. (I hate abrupt endings, but it is what it is.)